Freedom

“We must not mourn for the bodies we once had. They were weak, empty, broken; incompatible with the size of our souls, the volume of our dreams, and the abundance of our beauty. Deprived of the love we felt we, ourselves, did not deserve, they reflected the pain we felt inside. But we are healing now and learning to love not only our bodies but also the incredible person that lives within. So when you look in the mirror don’t cry for the girl you no longer see. Celebrate the woman you are today, because my God, she is so beautiful. Thank God she is finally free.”

This really spoke to me. I found it on the Instagram of a girl going through the recovery process. We’ve never met but I feel like I know her because I can relate to what she is going through, like I said brothers and sisters in battle! But anyways, I’m not quite sure where this passage originated from, all I know is that I really needed it today. Honestly I need it every day but today it was exceptionally necessary.

Sometimes even when I seem to be doing well with my meal plan and not engaging in behaviors, I am overwhelmed by my eating disorder voice trying to convince me I’m not doing the right thing. Reading this today was a little reassurance that I truly am and hopefully one day soon I won’t need to be reassured. I will just know.

I cannot wait for the day to come where I am really free from my eating disorder. Not just in recovery but fully recovered. Like the freedom I had once as a small child, before I knew how unfair life can be and before anyone ever hurt me. I want to forgive and let go of all the things that keep me stuck in this place where I feel like I deserve punishment. I don’t want to punish myself for the things I had no control over anymore. I want to rediscover that care free piece of my soul and embrace it with all that I am.

I want that for all of us.

 

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